New Life For Me
Song: Feelin Good x Nina Simone
“I’m pretty daggone dope. Nobody knows it. I don’t hear my name being honored and respected enough. Whose fault is it? Mine.” - Me
I can’t expect others to appreciate my greatness if I don’t. I can’t expect to get to my dreams and goals as long as I’m not using my talents. I can’t expect anyone to know how dope I am as long as I’m hiding. But wait. If I’m not hiding, then that means people will really see me. When they see me, will what I have to offer be appreciated and liked? I love singing, but if I sing will anyone like my voice? Am I wise and knowledgeable? You daggone right I am, but will anyone really want to hear anything I say?
At this point, I don’t care if anyone likes what I have to offer or not. I mean of course I want people to like anything I do but on top of it all I want to do the things that make me, Kristen, happy. The things that make me happy happen to be using the gifts and talents given to me from God.
For so long, I’ve hidden one of my greatest talents. At one point I adjusted my talent for people and their expectations instead of using it the way God wanted me to. Adjusting my talent, made me hate what was supposed to be a gift. I hid.
I never wanted to hide, though. I wanted to show the world what I was hiding. Fear of failure, fear of being humiliated, fear of being used, fear of judgment and opinions would always fill my mind and stop me from making any move. I would be in the middle of showing off my beautiful talent, feel every piece of fear fill my body, and quickly pull my talent back in causing me to look silly. Anytime someone would seem like they knew my hidden talent, I would hide. Oh, and fear of being “too black” would also come in and stop me. I’m black though. Tf?
One day I asked myself, “How long are you going to let your past and fears stop you from going after all that you’ve ever wanted? How long are you going to keep saying you’re dope too but never produce anything for anyone to see your dopeness? How long are you going to keep hiding and dimming your light within? How long are you going to keep tucking away the talents given to you from God?” To allow others the opportunity to experience Kristen Reel, be happy, and see my dreams come true, I knew I had to stop hiding. I knew in order for me to live the life I’d seen I had to do something new. In this case, ‘new’ meant stop letting my fears run me.
I mean….why hide the gift that God has given? Are you ashamed of God? Nah. Show it off! Why dim the light that God has placed inside of you? There’s a light within you that must shine. If that light never helps anyone, it’ll most definitely help you and that’s all that matters. Better out than in! Don’t dim your light for anyone. Being humble does not mean you have to dim your light within. That was a freebie. Lol.
Where am I currently with my solution to getting to my dreams and goals? Each day I’m living my life and choosing to face every fear head on. I mean I’m squaring up with my fears and overcoming each one….one by one. I know what I want my life to look like and if anything wants to get in my way, we’re squaring up and I’m not backing down. Not anymore. I’ve learned that to get different results I must do something different. Period. If I want love, I have to be willing to love and be loved. If I want multiple streams of income, I have to do the necessary things to get just that and nothing less. If I want people to know I’m dope, I have to show them. No matter what fear comes to make me hide, I have to keep going. Feel the fear and keep going. Never stop. I’ve seen how this new mindset has allowed me to help others which is what I love doing.
It’s a new life for me.